Chapter Twenty-one

THE ANDERCHRONICLES

By Me, Ellee

[WARNING: The following story has been rated FNF*]
*Fiction NOT Fact

(And we all know and understand that fiction means, not exactly factual.)

"New Year's Day"

New Year’s morning found me still in bed at 9:00 a.m. cocooned in my warm duvet, snugly and protectively wrapped up against what I might discover if I got up and found that Andy still wasn’t home. I realized I really didn’t want to know. It was safer to stay insulated by my security blanket. As long as I stayed there I could savor the thrill of our first kiss—that incredible kiss! Andy had kissed me!

Finally, I had a video in my head that I wanted to rewind a million times. And, it wasn’t painful. It was like a spring day after the rain has stopped, and the world is fresh and bright and beautiful, the sun filtering through green young shoots on the delicate branches of a willow tree, being caressed by the wind; raindrops glistening on soft petals of new flowers, catching the sun light and tossing it out to the world, announcing that something wonderful has happened. My heart was singing words I hadn’t heard before. I didn’t want this feeling to end, but I had an uneasy sensation that it just might if I left my bed.

After a while, however, my sweet remembrances turned to nagging questions. So, I forced myself out of bed to see if Andy had come home. All too soon I discovered he had not. Why hadn’t he come home? And WHY HAD HE ABANDONED ME ON THAT PLATFORM THE NIGHT BEFORE? These questions were stinging my heart!

By time breakfast was over, I had driven myself into a state of totally tumultuous turmoil, wondering where he could be and why he wasn’t home. I knew I had to shift my thoughts somewhere else, so I went into the library to choose a good book.

After scanning the shelves, I finally decided on Joseph Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness,”an appropriate choice, I thought, since my heart now felt engulfed in darkness—the darkness of NOT KNOWING WHERE ANDY WAS! DANG! WHERE WAS HE?????!!!

Once settled into a cozy chair next to the warm fire I had turned on, I began reading . . .

“The NELLIE, a cruising yawl, swung to her anchor without a flutter of the sails, and was at rest. The flood had made, the wind was nearly calm, and being bound down the river . . . ”

But my mind would not be bridled, and kept running away to explore the sensations once more of . . . the kiss. I must have read that same beginning sentence fifteen different times, and each time I got to. . . “being bound down the river,” my mind took a detour straight to that kiss—the Anderkiss!

I had just begun the sentence for the sixteenth time when I heard the front door open, and after several minutes Andy appeared in the doorway of the library. His gaze, fixed on me, never strayed as he walked to the middle of the room and stopped. He just stood there, not moving. He looked terrible. It was evident he hadn’t slept the night before. He needed a shave. His tux was in less than pristine condition, and his tie was just barely hanging on to his neck. I could see he was about ready to crash, because the bags under his eyes had already been deployed. I had never seen him in such a state.

As he stood there staring at me, his eyes stripped away any feeling of well-being I might have had. I felt awkward under his gaze, and a disquieting sense of apprehension was mounting inside me. Something was wrong, and I feared I was about to meet it head on. At last he spoke, but I wished he hadn’t; it was something I didn’t want to hear.

“I hope you didn’t read anything into that kiss last night.”

My book slid out of my hands and dropped to the floor as my mouth fell open. Then, I went into shock! Andy, what are you saying? my mind yelled out. He-hoped-I-didn't-read-anything-into-that-kiss-last-night! It was a little late for that! I had read EVERYTHING into that kiss! What did he meeeean?

“Ellee, did you hear what I just said?” His voice was deep; the tone stern, ringing with authority.

I had heard, but wasn’t sure how to respond. I knew my reaction had to be calm, collected and cool–unemotional. There could be absolutely NO tears here. Stoic was the word that came to mind.

Quietly, and in a calculated manner I stood up, walked over to where he stood, got right up in his face, almost nose to nose, then slowly and methodically said,

“You mean . . . the four-minute kiss . . . the one with all the TONGUE ACTION? . . . Why would I read ANYTHING into THAT????”

For a moment, neither of us breathed. The air was tense. Our eyes were locked; mine defiant, challenging, even bold—I figured I had the stoic part down pretty good. His eyes, on the other hand, in response to the message mine were sending, seemed to falter, but only momentarily, then rapidly took on a look of determination as he stated,

"Ellee, it NEVER should have happened!"

The little ‘ping’ which zapped the pit of my stomach took away my breath, but I was able to recover immediately and ask him point blank,

“Then WHY did it?”

“It . . . it was a . . . mistake . . . probably just a New Year’s Eve thing.”

Our kiss was a MISTAKE? I gasped inwardly. Just hearing him say that sent a wounding blow straight to my heart! It took me a little longer to recover from that one.

“Well, Andy,” I probed, wanting to explore the events of the night before a little further, “what about our . . . our . . . trip?” No hint of recognition flickered in his eyes. “You know, that portal . . . to the universe?” Still no recognition. “You DO remember that, don’t you?”

“Ellee, I have NO idea what you are talking about! What trip? What portal? You’re not making any sense!”

“Andy, you DO know what I’m talking about!” Dang! Why was he denying it? Another blow, this time not just to my heart, but to my very soul!

“NO, I don’t!” He was firm and unequivocal.

And with that he turned and headed for the door, but I ran after him and grabbed his arm, swinging him around, and blurted out, almost yelling

“Then why did you say . . . 'tons and tons of torrites' . . . and then corrected with, ‘I mean confetti’ when you resumed your narration on camera—after our kiss?”

I know those words knocked the breath right out of him, because at the moment I said, torrites, he gasped, sucking in a ton of air, but held onto it and didn’t let it out. After a few moments he yanked free of my hold and fled—like it was a matter of life or death to him. I heard him running down the hall to his room, slamming his door after him.

At that moment my stoicism failed me, and I dissolved into those tears which I had forbidden only minutes before. I knew I had to get to my room fast, for the crying was only going to escalate, and wouldn’t be stopping any time soon.

The winter storm, now raging outside had turned ugly only moments after I sealed myself in my room. I never wanted to emerge again, and I didn’t want the world coming in either. So in a fit of despair and disbelief, anger and hurt, I locked the door and began stacking furniture against it; chairs, tables, night stands, boxes—anything I could physically pick up and carry over to my . . . my . . . barricade–my . . . protection . . . from the deep hurt I was feeling—OUR KISS WAS A MISTAKE he had said—a MISTAKE! I realized then I should have stayed in bed all day, safely tucked away in my security blankie. I wished I had! Now my world was in shambles—destroyed, actually obliterated; also demolished and blown away—I WAS BLOWN AWAY!! MY HEART WAS CRUSHED—OUR KISS DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING AT ALL TO ANDY !!!!

This unwelcome revelation shifted my bawling tirade to the next level up, unlocking a veritable torrent of tears which gushed down my already red and swollen cheeks, like the winter run-off in the High Sierras after a year of record snow pack! My heart felt riddled with sorrow, grief and pain. The tectonic plate of my heart had just subducted under the tectonic plate of my psyche, and the grinding of these two plates was causing a gigantic rip along the fault line of my soul. I would never again be the same. This quake had changed my landscape forever, opening up a crevasse that I had now fallen into, and from which I couldn’t possibly escape.

I could never resume my life as I had known it. I was devastated—destroyed. My life was over . . . finished . . . kaput . . . dismantled . . . It was then I realized— I needed chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate! Maybe, just maybe, if I could get enough chocolate . . . well . . . maybe my life wouldn't be over after all . . . Okay, okay, so it REALLY wasn’t over! But, I REALLY did need chocolate! So after clawing my way out of my barricaded room, I found all the chocolate there was to find, and devoured it all—every last piece.

[Author’s Note: Science has actually proven that chocolate in the appropriate dosage* is considered therapeutic and mood altering, specifically in cases where one suffers a totally broken heart, having had all hopes and dreams dashed to little, irretrievable pieces that have been completely blown away when Andy said OUR KISS WAS A MISTAKE AND NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED! ! !— One should never underestimate the power of CHOCOLATE!]

*appropriate dosage= all you can eat

Bye for now,
Love,
Ellee