Chapter Fifty-eight

THE ANDERCHRONICLES

By Me, Ellee

[WARNING: The following story has been rated FNF*]
*Fiction NOT Fact

“Porter”

After some deliberation, Molly and I finally decided the very least we could do to save face with Glo was to go up to her tea affair anyway, even though we were forty-five minutes late. So after Max, the taxi driver said, Hey! You gunna sit here all day? I ain’t runnin’ a day care, ya know!, we got out and headed for the front door of Glo’s building. Now Max, being the conscientious businessman that he was, jumped right out behind us, yelling,

“Hey lady! Where’s my fare?”

He shoved his out-stretched, money-grabbing hand right in my face and glared at me.

“Oh!” I gasped. “I’m sorry, I guess it just slipped my mind!”

“Yeah right, lady! I get that everyday. Just give me my money!”

I was embarrassed, but I had been so upset about being late to the tea party, that paying the fare had never crossed my mind until Max’s gentle reminder. I paid him, and then Molly and I went into the building. The elevator ride to the 24th floor took longer than we wanted, the elevator having stopped at nearly every other floor. So by the time we reached Glo’s floor, we were even later than we had been when Max kicked us out of his taxi.

I knocked on the door with some trepidation, but because of Andy, I was committed to go inside and face . . . well . . . I wasn’t exactly sure what I would face. When Porter, Glo’s doorman for the afternoon, opened the door a crack and saw me, he stood firmly in front of the small opening and said,

“Yes?”

“ . . . Uhhhhh, . . . I’m Ellee,” I smiled, peering through the slit, Molly dropping her long tongue out the side of her mouth, her little pink bows bobbing up and down as she panted.

Porter didn’t react; he didn’t move; he only stared. It occurred to me maybe his batteries had run out, and would need replacing before he could continue, but then all of a sudden he said,

“What is it you want . . . Ms. Ellee?”

“Well . . . ummmmmm . . . ” I was feeling awkward. I shifted my weight to the left side. “I’d like to come in . . . that is, if it’s okay with you.”

“I’m sorry, but Ms. Glo doesn’t accept solicitations.”

“Solicitations?????, I’M NOT SOLICITING! I’m here for the tea party.”

“Ms. Glo’s afternoon tea is by invitation only, Ms.”

“Well—I have an invitation!”

“Could I see it, please?” He rolled his faded green eyes, causing the surrounding folds of skin to ruffle slightly.

“Well . . . I mean, I don’t exactly have an invitation—you know, one you can see, but I assure you, Ms. Glo did invite me!”

Once again his batteries just . . . ran out, like they did before, leaving him in stare mode, which lasted for an interminably long period of time. Then, like before, all of a sudden he spoke up and said,

“Could you wait here, please?” Then he shut the door and was gone.

Now whether he had gone for more batteries or not, I couldn’t tell, but gone he was! And he didn’t return for several minutes. When he finally did, he opened the door all the way up and said,

“Ms . . . you may come in.”

“Thank you,” I replied, smiling demurely as I passed, but there was no response—more failed batteries.

I hadn’t gone very far until I turned back, and as my eyes caught his, I said,

“You know, you should give those Energizer batteries a try. They really do just keep going and going and going.”


Then I turned and started down the hall, my extremely high-heeled pumps forcing my hips out of alignment just enough to cause the skirt of my dress to swish and sway from side to side, but all at once, I stopped short, Molly nearly plowing into me —I realized I had no idea where I was going. I really needed Porter at that moment. I turned back to face him once again. His batteries were still dead. But then, all at once his eyes came to life and narrowed; I cleared my voice.

“Ummmmmm . . . ,” my eyes scanned the surroundings, my long, velvety lashes fluttering, “ . . . it has come to my attention . . . that I . . . uhhh . . . well could you . . . I mean, you know . . . show me the way?”

Thankfully the batteries kicked in just then. “Yes, Ms. Of course. Follow me.” Which I did.

He led me to a pair of French doors painted high gloss white. I could see my reflection in them—I looked a little scared. Voices engaged in lively conversation were coming from the other side. I was soooo late, I knew if I went in I would be interrupting. And it seemed the guests were doing quite well without me. I convinced myself then I wasn’t really needed at this tea party anyway, so I swiftly turned to make a hasty exit, but as I did, I smacked into Porter, who was, at that same moment, reaching for the brass levers to allow me entry. As I collided with him, the doors opened up and the force sent me sliding across the marble floor—on my belly—after I fell, arms and legs flailing every which way, making my entrance somewhat less elegant than I had orginally planned.

And those . . . few, closest and dearest friends Glo had mentioned, well they turned out to be about thirty, which meant sixty eyes in all, watching in shock as I descended on the scene with all the grace of a gangly, pubescent thirteen-year-old.

When I finally came to an ignominious stop, it was at the feet of one, Major Trunsdale, an elderly gentleman who was obliged to adjust his monocle in such a way that he could see more clearly what had just invaded his foot space. And I knew the exact moment I came into focus—his expression registered both disbelief and surprise, one right after the other.

But then, after a few seconds, he coughed up a hardy laugh and exclaimed,

"Well! I dare say, young lady, you executed that slid rather well. Do you play for the Yankies?"

Just then Molly raced to my side and began licking my face, she, too, obviously impressed by my little home plate maneuver.

I could have died a thousand deaths! Why was this happening to me? And at Glo’s tea party? In front of all these people? Who were now staring at me, like I was some kind of amazing sideshow at a circus. What force in the Panthera System had set this . . . this . . . unkind, humiliating thing into motion? How could Glo ever forgive me for disrupting her party? And what would Andy say?

Just then, Porter lifted me from the floor, and brushed off my dress, like it was just part of his usual duties. When he was finished, he quietly slipped away, and I was left standing alone, on display, in front of all those strangers, whose focus was squarely on me.

As my eyes slowly sailed over that sea of unfamiliar faces, my heart stopped suddenly when I found one that looked familiar, and she was about to speak. I gulped. It was a gulp so loud, I knew everyone had heard it. Then I held my breath.

What would she say? What would she tell them? Ladies and gentlemen, this . . . this female idiot standing before you is . . . is . . . an idiot! She just can't help herself. I apologize for her idiocy. Or maybe she would just summon Porter to escort me to the door—ohhh, I wished more than anything else that 's what she would do. I really neeeeded Porter at that moment to get me outta there! Where was he? Maybe he had gone for the Energizers. I could only hope. I just couldn't bear it any longer. I wanted to run, but knew I couldn't. So I just stood there.

As Glo approached, I didn't know what to do with my arms and hands, so I folded them across my middle, but then decided that looked dumb. So I quickly dropped them to my sides, but after a few seconds, that felt awkward, so I put them behind my back. My head dropped slightly when my gaze fell to the floor as I heard Glo's soft footsteps advancing toward me. But then, when she began, “Dear friends . . ." I looked up, like I was ready to face the judge, and hear my sentence.

" . . . please allow me to introduce . . . . . . . .
my Anderson’s Ellee.”

Bye for now,
Love,
Ellee